Have boxes, will travel

So after the meeting I still have to move. I do now have until the end of Easter which'll make it easier - still not psyched about having to pack and shift everything though. Still, it was a good chat and did clear the air somewhat so a good point at least!

Had quite a successful and organised day - sorting out production schedules for 5 individuals and 1 group who all have shows within 2 weeks of each other. Worked so well for them I may employ it for myself on the whole moving and sorting Australia out thing!

Regarding the going back to work.

Well, last evening of a VERY chilled half term, to be spent in the traditional Sunday evening way of hot milk and Lark Rise to Candleford (boy, I do lead an action packed life!) and contemplating tomorrow.

Have had a lot of time to think and assess this week, along with managing to put most work stuff to one side and chillaxing, so am feeling positive and calm about heading back into work tomorrow.

I have another meeting with TPTB in the afternoon, feeling nervous, but definitely less like I'm going to cry just from walking in there! I have everything pretty level in my head and I'm going to go with the assumption that there's some reason that I don't need to know about, they're the boss and I should trust their judgement. Have decided that if I have to move then I shall, with no more fuss or bother. Doesn't seem to be worth getting stressed over any more as it really is out of my hands and, on the plus side, I would have some space to myself. This week has been very quiet without others here - however it was nice when they came back, and today has just proved that they are very different to the last lot and quite enjoyable to live with.

However I did go and collect a load of boxes yesterday in preparation so we shall see what occurs.

Time at the spa was so wonderful - amazing steam room. 4 glass rooms inside the larger one - each with a different fragrance. I spent time in the frankinscence one and the lavender one- bliss :)

Right, LRTC has finished downloading and I am suitably sleepy, bring on tomorrow!

Feeling slightly less....

Wednesday of half term.

The whole accommodation thing didn't really get an better. I pretty much don't have a choice and when the email came through at 2:15pm on Friday asking if I could move this week or soon after my brain fully realised it's exhaustion and I ended up in the medical centre hyper-ventilating! Boy, I felt professional.

In the end I wrote a fairly objective (had Ben check it) email back explaining that I didn't think it would help, I didn't really understand then need or urgency and would it be possible to wait 'til Easter. Got one back at 4:45 saying that they though it was a good idea, it should happen but I could actually take my week off ad to think about it after the holiday. Then got another one about 30mins later saying we should discuss it when school starts back. Not entirely sure what's going to happen now!

Having said that, I've had some time to think, and it's been quite pleasant being on my own here without the GAPS and I appreciate that there will be tensions etc in the future. I guess I just don't like people making decisions for me without any consultation, especially when I'm exhausted and in desperate need of some chill time - and when has moving house ever been NOT stressful?

Anyhoo, I've been distracting myself quite well. Went up to Cov for a pancake party and helped move trees and bushes. Went to London to be industrilous on Monday night. Came away thinking that I should be persisterence although it may not get me anywhere (If you watch a certain programme on Sunday evenings..that'll make sense to you!). And had a fun night at BLOG rehearsal. We've started moving as opposed to just learning the music - was a great chance to learn everyone's names!

In a bit I'm heading into town to take advantage of a walking tour and then I'm finally going to get round to using my Twilight package at the Spa - never was it more needed!

..and so it goes on.

So, that bleugh feeling?...still here.

In fact in the last few days it's got distinctly worse. News from a friend that span my mind and made me think about a few things (not to mention making me feel my 29 years) and then, today, a conversation with work about my accommodation situation.

!WARNING! small rant follows.....

The conversation was actually, on the surface, quite caring and supportive. My only problem is, I'm not entirely sure that most of it was true. I'd rather they'd have been honest and said "the GAPS complained to the GAP representative, who is not happy about 2 of them sharing a room, and therefore feels we cannot have 4 GAPS in future, so you have to move" than "I'm worried about how you're doing and I think it would be better if you moved". In fact, the conversation started with the fact that the decision's been made already..."so here's my reasoning".

I tried to think while I was in there and make my points about why I don't think it'll make a blind bit of difference and, actually, will probably make it worse (as I usually don't think about it until I get home!) but it seems that, even though 3 months ago they agreed with me on those exact same points, I don't have a choice.

It would be nice to have my own space, to not have to clear up after 4 teenagers. On the other hand, at least here I get to walk outside to go home, I have 2 big rooms, I have an amazing view and, most importantly, some outside space where I can sit, BBQ and generally do my own thing.

But, to be honest, my real problem is the fact that they said all this stuff, and yet somehow I feel like it wasn't really meant. I mean, if you've been worried enough to make this decision about somebody for 8 months, you wouldn't wait that long to tell them - would you? And why get them to come to you with a formal email, it would have been distinctly less intimidating and more supportive to come to me.

I really hope all of the things said were genuine, because if they weren't, it basically comes down to being manipulated because they know how to push my buttons, and coming from that person in particular, that would really hurt.

Also, I was promised these rooms would be mine as long as I needed them (I was planning in moving out at the end of the year anyway) and when the 4th GAP moved over, it was on the understanding that she was fine with sharing a room and if it didn't work out she could move back, or, in fact, have the flat they want to move me to.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I know that the GAPS did tell the representative about the situation and they have been talking about the fact that it's 'ridiculous' and 'not fair'. So we'll see.

I get to look at the flat in the next few days, but I've seen it before and it's not exactly inspiring. I guess the truth will come depending on if I want to move or not. But, to be honest, the thought of packing up and moving all my stuff AGAIN and then AGAIN within a year is not exactly filling me with joy.

It'll be very interesting to see how the GAPS get on with no one around when they don't know how to work something, with having to pay for their own phone line and internet and all the other bits like recycling, heating, bins etc. There's always been someone other than just GAPS living here (hence the phone line and internet thing) who can show them the ropes and explain things to them (rather important with a gas hob) but something will be figured out I'm sure.

Well, I think that's everything down and out of my head now. I could really do with a hug but there's no one round here to do that so I'm going to get up early and go to the gym tomorrow instead!

Oh, and I was granted my eVisa for Australia......yey :)

Looking for my funness

So, after the excitement of booking my ticket, and spending some quality time with the family, and planning more Oz stuff, I've actually been feeling pretty down for the last few days.

I'm hoping that it's just my hormones making my lack-of-a-break worse - so we'll see tomorrow when they should have stopped!

I am also tired, probably stressed and in desperate need of some days when I can lie-in or spend time chilling without feeling guilty or like I should be doing something else. Luckily there's a half term coming up - I wish it would start tomorrow!

We've got 4 shows on at school next week, I've just started teaching my Y12's in earnest (2 Lighting, 4 Costume) and I'm finishing up the Y9's. However my motivation seems to have wandered off somewhere without telling me when it's coming back.

I find it really annoying when I'm like this. I become very defensive, things which I would normally get excited about I just see the problems with and everything just seems like too much trouble - which is not me at all. Plus I find that certain people just irritate me - sometimes just by being in the room! It's completely irrational and that makes me even more stressed because I don't seem to able to control it. Bleugh.

Plus the couple of people I would normally be able to chat to are having a pretty miserable time themselves so the last thing I want to do (or can do!) whinge over the phone at them.

Anyway, that's quite enough faffing on here. Now to find something that'll cheer me up before I go to sleep........