In fact in the last few days it's got distinctly worse. News from a friend that span my mind and made me think about a few things (not to mention making me feel my 29 years) and then, today, a conversation with work about my accommodation situation.
!WARNING! small rant follows.....
The conversation was actually, on the surface, quite caring and supportive. My only problem is, I'm not entirely sure that most of it was true. I'd rather they'd have been honest and said "the GAPS complained to the GAP representative, who is not happy about 2 of them sharing a room, and therefore feels we cannot have 4 GAPS in future, so you have to move" than "I'm worried about how you're doing and I think it would be better if you moved". In fact, the conversation started with the fact that the decision's been made already..."so here's my reasoning".
I tried to think while I was in there and make my points about why I don't think it'll make a blind bit of difference and, actually, will probably make it worse (as I usually don't think about it until I get home!) but it seems that, even though 3 months ago they agreed with me on those exact same points, I don't have a choice.
It would be nice to have my own space, to not have to clear up after 4 teenagers. On the other hand, at least here I get to walk outside to go home, I have 2 big rooms, I have an amazing view and, most importantly, some outside space where I can sit, BBQ and generally do my own thing.
But, to be honest, my real problem is the fact that they said all this stuff, and yet somehow I feel like it wasn't really meant. I mean, if you've been worried enough to make this decision about somebody for 8 months, you wouldn't wait that long to tell them - would you? And why get them to come to you with a formal email, it would have been distinctly less intimidating and more supportive to come to me.
I really hope all of the things said were genuine, because if they weren't, it basically comes down to being manipulated because they know how to push my buttons, and coming from that person in particular, that would really hurt.
Also, I was promised these rooms would be mine as long as I needed them (I was planning in moving out at the end of the year anyway) and when the 4th GAP moved over, it was on the understanding that she was fine with sharing a room and if it didn't work out she could move back, or, in fact, have the flat they want to move me to.
Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I know that the GAPS did tell the representative about the situation and they have been talking about the fact that it's 'ridiculous' and 'not fair'. So we'll see.
I get to look at the flat in the next few days, but I've seen it before and it's not exactly inspiring. I guess the truth will come depending on if I want to move or not. But, to be honest, the thought of packing up and moving all my stuff AGAIN and then AGAIN within a year is not exactly filling me with joy.
It'll be very interesting to see how the GAPS get on with no one around when they don't know how to work something, with having to pay for their own phone line and internet and all the other bits like recycling, heating, bins etc. There's always been someone other than just GAPS living here (hence the phone line and internet thing) who can show them the ropes and explain things to them (rather important with a gas hob) but something will be figured out I'm sure.
Well, I think that's everything down and out of my head now. I could really do with a hug but there's no one round here to do that so I'm going to get up early and go to the gym tomorrow instead!
Oh, and I was granted my eVisa for Australia......yey :)
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